Sunday 20 April 2008

Minos the Minx

I simply can't remember whether I've told this story before but, as there's a shocking new twist, I'm going to tell it again.

It was the 23rd of July 2006 as I was driving back from Bodrum. Along the way, I decided to grab breakfast at my favourite restaurant on the shores of Bafa Lake.

Whilst tucking into the olives, cheese and tomatoes, I noticed a small kitten lying on a chair. I couldn't resist but go and explore.

The kitten was tiny and frail. He looked as though he wasn't going to last the day. Around his neck the staff had tied a necklace of 'Nazar Boncugu' (evil eye beads) to keep him safe from harm but I reckoned it would take a lot more than that to keep this black and white bundle of skin and bones alive.

I picked him up and cuddled him but he was too weak to play.

Here are some pictures I took of the little fella:



They told me his name was Minos (meaning 'tiny or small'). It was a sad moment when I said goodbye to him that day to continue my journey back to Kusadasi.

In March 2007, I was driving back down to Bodrum and decided to stop once again for a break by Bafa Lake. As the waiter brought the menu I apprehensively asked of the fate of Minos.

"He's sitting behind you" said the waiter, somewhat confused by my fascination with this cat.

There behind me was a lion of a cat. He was in beautiful condition. Perhaps the healthiest looking cat I've seen since I arrived here. Mind you, if cats have a heaven, it would be living in a fish restaurant on the banks of Bafa Lake.

Just look at the difference. Now fully grown, Minos was a troublesome beast. He rarely left the side of the table and had no qualms with boldly reaching over and helping himself to the fish.



I can't describe how relieved I was to see that little Minos had made it, and in such style.

Fast forward a few months and once again I'm back in the restaurant, sitting at my usual table, admiring the view of the ruins on the nearby island. The waiter took my order and I smiled and asked "so where's Minos?"

The waiter's face dropped.

Now my Turkish isn't so good still but I heard words in his following sentence that I didn't expect and absolutely didn't want to hear.

Words like "I'm sorry", "unfortunately", "hit", "reversing", "car".

My heart broke there and then. After the struggle he'd gone through to becoming a handsome lion. All that gone in an instant. I remembered holding him in one hand as he flopped like a rag doll. The joy I felt when I saw what he had become. I felt sick.

But then, in the waiter's continued explanation of events, I heard more words that brought hope. "Not dead", "injured", "recover".

I hoped he would survive the accident. To be honest, I avoided the restaurant for a while as I was scared that he wouldn't make it through again.

Last week, though, I stopped for breakfast as I began my trip down to Bodrum and beyond. The great news is that Minos is still alive. He's been left with a bit of a limp and walks like Larry Grayson and the similarities don't end there.

It appears that the accident has brought about a bigger change in Minos' life. OK he's not the strapping young thing he was before; he's a little skinnier but no waif. But the biggest shock of all is that, at some point during the past months, Minos went all gay.

If proof is needed, here is a photo I took of him raping his adopted brother:



Minos is still bold, still cheeky, still confident but now as camp as Christmas. I watched with elation as he limply minced around frolicking with the other male cats, stopping only to beg me for food or to mount one of his brothers (the other cat in the picture only barely had time to get to his feet before Minos would grab him by the neck and play horsey again).

The Nazar Boncugu around his neck are gone. There is no need for them anymore. They kept him safe through 2 lives and into embracing his homosexuality (as well as any male cat that slows down enough for him to catch them). He may be as bent as a 9 Lira note but he's back to being the happiest cat on Bafa.

Heaven, for Minos, just got better.

Rude Nan #4

I popped in to see nan the other day. She's not doing so well these days and it seems to be taking all her energy to ask me how I am. She does, however, still have the power to make me fall about laughing.

When I arrived Suzanna was giving her some snacks and brain exercise. As nan can't sit up, she can't really see what Suzanna is feeding her so it seems a perfect opportunity to test her palette and memory.

Suzanna eased a small piece of fruit into nan's mouth and asked "what's that mum?" (Suzanna affectionately calls her 'mum'). There was a pause while nan chewed and pondered.

"Apple" came the whispered reply.

Another piece of fruit is fed to nan. "What's that mum?"

A longer pause followed then an even quieter "orange".

Suzanna then shakes it up a little by putting a biscuit in nan's mouth. "What's that then mum?" asked Suzanna with a cheeky grin.

Silence.

"Come on mum, what's that?"

What nan actually said next is open to question. I saw her lips move and then Suzanna's face turn a worrying shade of red. "MUM!!!! SHHHHHHH!!!!! You can't say that! We have guests".

So what was it nan said that dropped Suzanna to the floor? The possible options are:

a) Cunt
b) Your mother's cunt
c) Your midwife's cunt

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.