The Native is Restless

I feel the time has come for me to pack my satchel and move onto greater things. But what can be greater than this, you might ask? Well that's entirely up to you.

I'm looking for your help. In an ideal world, I'd be working at a university, sharing my culture and language with individuals who don't show you the contents of their hands every time they sneeze.

Here's the killer though, and I hope you'll support me in this... I want some time next year. I want some time to write. I have a feeling deep down in my toilet area that there's a book or a film in me. I want a chance to prove that. For this reason, I'm looking for fewer hours than the 31 I'm doing now (like dogs, 1 teaching hour = 7 actual hours).

Please think hard about who you know and tell them that you know this incredibly talented, slightly odd, Anglo-Turko, gentleman teacher. Don't get too hung up on the university thing, I'm open to any offers. Perhaps it's not teaching. Perhaps a traveling lecturer, promoting (or warning about) Englishness/Turkishness to Caribbean nations. Translator (from English into shit Turkish? or shitter French? ...or even shitter German?). Maybe a kitten/puppy sitter. Beauty contest judge. Private Dancer (a dancer for money, any old music will do).



Come fly me!

Children say the funniest things

I've just been marking the 6th grade exams. One section was an open dialogue giving the students a chance to write anything sensible in response to a question. Here's a response that made me put down my marking pen and say a few words of thanks to God. Please remember, this is a 10 year old Turkish student.

Question 1
Q: Where are you going this weekend?
A: I'm going to the supermarket.

Nice answer.

Question 2
Q: What's wrong with you?
A: I have a problem with my bowel.

Sorry, what? If I could give her more than 100%, I would. That answer alone should automatically grant her a Cambridge scholarship.